No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
by VBC
Summary: What happens when the new and improved Hermione Granger, Mediwitch extraordinaire, saves Draco Malfoy, millionaire, from his utter destruction? Complete annoyance. Hermione never believed the phrase “No good deed goes unpunished”…until now.
1. Grapes of Death

And hello people of ff . net, VBC is back in the game!! I know you are all weeping in joy over the fact that I am, indeed, writing again. And I already have the whole plot in my head, so this one is going to be COMPLETED. I guess I can't handle any action scenes, which is what seems to have tripped me up on my two incomplete Draco/Hermione fics. Anywho…

**Summary**: What happens when the new and improved Hermione Granger, Medi-witch extraordinaire, saves Draco Malfoy, millionaire, from his utter destruction? Complete annoyance. Hermione never believed the phrase "No good deed goes unpunished"…until now.

**Disclaimer**: Plot is mine. Characters are not. Whee!! Oh, and please look past simple mistakes dealing with intricate details of the Harry Potter series. Thanks so much and enjoy the ride.

* * *

Hermione quickly grabbed her cup of coffee before nearly sprinting to her favorite table by the window of the best coffee shop in Diagon Alley: _Maralynn's Magical Coffee_. Sure the name wasn't what some would call "original", but Maralynn meant it when she called her coffee "magical." It seemed to whisk all of Hermione's problems away. And believe it or not, she had her fair share of problems. 

Hermione was scheduled to be the Maid of Honor at Ginny and Harry's wedding in one month, four days, and three hours, and of course, the Best Man went to Ronald Weasley. Not that she minded Ronald (as she now fondly called him). After all, they were best friends all throughout Hogwarts and she even had a little fling with him at the end of her sixth year and through the destruction of Voldemort. But when Harry gave Voldemort one last well-said spell, Hermione's goo-goo eyes for Ronald seemed to melt along with Voldemort. She found the little things Ronald did repulsive, such as picking his scabs, having dirt under his fingernails, and the way he used his fork like a caveman, and…well, she could go on forever.

And so could Ronald. She had broken up with him two weeks after Voldemort was killed, and that was nearly four years ago. Yet somehow Ronald didn't take her seriously.

In fact, Ronald has been proposing to her at least once a month since.

Not only that, but she had just been given a promotion—she was now the chief not only in her department in St. Mungos (pediatrics), but all the floors below hers as well, which happened to be six. That meant that she had to be on-staff at the hospital at least 6 days a week, 14 hours a day until she found someone to delegate half her power to.

Which was an issue in and of itself.

Hermione doesn't delegate.

Hermione does all the work because she can't find anyone who is a perfectionist like herself, and she couldn't settle for anything less: because she is, indeed, a perfectionist.

* * *

Draco Malfoy sauntered up to the counter of Maralynn's Magical Coffee and surveyed his surroundings. It was precisely 7:04 AM Tuesday morning in the month of March. He saw the typical people he saw when he entered the coffee shop; a handful of goblins in the darkest corner, drinking their black coffee, a couple of wizards in their good robes making a pit stop before heading to the ministry, Maralynn, an overweight woman from somewhere in the southern United States, as perky and chipper as ever. He looked over his right shoulder to his favorite table by the window only to see that curly-haired brunette sitting there. She'd been there every day when he walked in, wearing some atrocious Muggle clothes, her briefcase on the floor. Today she had one hand on the _Daily Prophet_, her other on her coffee cup, not that he noticed what she did every day. Then he glanced to Maralynn's right, towards the back of the shop, and noticed something he'd never seen before: a beautiful, curvaceous blonde handling the fruit. 

"Maralynn, I'll take my usual cup of coffee, but make it a double today," He said, flipping her a galleon as if it were nothing as he slowly walked to the other side of the counter. "Hello, Miss…" He said, trying to catch the blonde's attention.

She turned and blushed. "Miss Millie-Grace, sir."

Draco hid his puzzlement. "Mill Grace?"

She shook her head. "No, sir, Millie-Grace. It's my first name," She said with her southern drawl, "I'm Maralynn's niece from Tennessee."

_Oh_, Draco thought to himself, _those strange Americans with their odd names_. "Could I get a container of those purple grapes, please, and perhaps somewhere I can reach you?" He said, giving her the most lustful look he could come up with.

"Er, yes, sir, well, to the grapes, anyhow. But it's against company policy to give out information to customers," She said, quickly handing him the container of grapes.

"Mr. Malfoy, your coffee is ready!" Maralynn called from the opposite end of the counter.

"We'll see about that," He said, giving her a lustful wink. He then took out one of the grapes and popped it high in the air. As it was descending, nearly 20 seconds later, Draco winked suggestively at Millie-Grace while opening his mouth for landing.

And that's where it all went wrong.

The lustful wink turned out to be a poke in the eye from the grape, which bounced off his eye and landed in his mouth straight down his throat. His eyes immediately watered as he took several steps back, knocking over magical coffee cups that _never let your coffee go cold! _In a fruitless effort to take in breath, he caused the grape to lodge deeper in his throat, the impact of not being able to breathe sending him to the floor; his face turning odd shades of red and slowly to blue. By this time Maralynn and Millie-Grace had darted from the counter. Maralynn dumped a pitcher of cold water on Draco in hopes of reviving him while Millie-Grace fanned him with her hand.

* * *

Hermione watched the scene from a distance, starting with Draco saying, "I'll have the usual." His voice seemed to triggor a sense of fascination from within. Not romantically, of course. It just...did.When he practically chucked the grape in the air, she knew that he was spelling his own destruction. She had to bite back a laugh when it poked him in the eye and landed in his mouth, which wasn't easy until she realized he was chocking. She leapt from her chair and ran through the maze of tables to wear he now laid on the floor, soaked and surrounded by two women who were only making the situation worse. 

"Back up, I'm a doctor!" She said to them before reaching for Malfoy and heaving him from the floor. She then proceeded to perform the Heimlich maneuver until finally, the grape launched from his mouth and his Maralynn between the eyes. Yet for whatever reason, Malfoy was still limp in her arms.

"He's still blue!" Millie-Grace cried, fanning her arms wildly in attempts to force oxygen into Malfoy. Maralynn nodded approvingly at her niece before joining in, her obese arms flapping wildly. Hermione took a cautious step back, not wanting to be in the way incase a flab of skin were to go out of control and hit her in the face.

"I'll have to do this the Muggle way because my wand is at my table and we don't have time for that. Stand back!" Hermione said, literally dropping Malfoy to the floor as she poised herself above him for mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. She checked for a pulse. _Good_, she thought_, it's there, but weak_. She then tilted his head back to make sure his air passageway was clear before putting her ear by his head to listen for breathing while watching his chest to see if it would rise or fall.

Nothing.

_Great_, she thought. _Here I am, about to put my mouth on this that made my life terrible all throughout Hogwarts in order to save his life. What if I just_...

_No. I'm a doctor. I must— _

_But Hermione, dear, he called you mudblood!_

_And he changed to our side in the war!_

_But—_

_"_SHUT UP!" Hermione told her inner voices. "I'm doing this!!"

"But…darlin', we didn't say anything." Maralynn said, wringing her hands.

Hermione looked up, puzzled. "What?"

"Well, sugar, you told us to shut up."

"Oh. Well, uh, never mind." Hermione said, quickly looking down, and before she could even fight with herself again, plugged Malfoy's nose and put her mouth on his, giving him the breath of life. She repeated the steps she did before, and had to place her mouth on his four additional times. On the fifth time she felt movement from his mouth, specifically his tongue. She immediately leapt up and spat on the floor as Malfoy's eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Granger?!"

"In the flesh you disgustin vermon."

"Did you…did you just save my life?"

"Yes, but don't worry, you won't need to pay me anything, I'm off duty. This one's on the house." Hermione then quickly turned back to her table, downed the rest of her hot coffee, grabbed her suitcase, and walked towards the door. "Oh, and Draco? Next time someone is trying to save your life, it's probably best if you don't tongue them." And then she disappeared.

"Sir, are you ok?" Millie-Grace said, her hands clutched at her heart.

Maralynn wrapped her arms around Draco's middle and heaved him to a standing position. He gave Maralynn a curt nod before grabbing his coffee and storming out the door.

No, he was not ok. Hermione Granger had just saved his life. He was not even near being ok.

He was furious.

He was now in debt to her until he could return the favor. "And I bet she knew that! I bet that she magically made the grape hit me in the eye and forced it down my throat so she could save my life so I'd be indebt to her! That stupid, cursed—"

"Uh sir, who are you speaking to?" A little boy standing a short three feet from Draco asked. Draco mentally slapped himself. _How many times must I tell myself to make sure I'm thinking inside my head_? "Eh, sorry kid. Here's a sickle, buy your mum something pretty." He said before stalking off.

Oh, he was going to make her pay. No one saves Draco Malfoy without asking permission first. No one.

* * *

Hermione, now clad in her midnight-blue medi-witch robes in her office, put down her briefcase and stretched. She was satisfied that she had already completed her good deed for the day with no reprimands. "That's the best part about good deeds: you do them and then you're done with it, leaving nothing but the nice feeling inside that makes you do another one the next day." 

_But I fear that this one's going to leave something a little more than that warm feeling inside. This one's going to leave a mark_.

"Oh hush!" She told herself, then slammed the door to her office.

* * *

Hope you liked it!! This is just a test-run chapter, so if you like it, lemme know! If I need to change something, let me know!! I think I could have fun with this, so, well, let me know!! Thanks!! Bust basically, **_review_**!!

Ps. You pronounce Maralynn's name like MAR-uh-lynn.

_**--VBC**_


	2. Crazy Kids

Hey thanks guys for all the reviews already!! It made me ready to write a new chapter to be posted, well, now. Go me!!

**Isadora120**-Yes, the title was inspired by the WICKED song, although it will have absolutely nothing to do with WICKED, the song, or any other musical. I should have said that before. Sorry!!

**C. S. Sprouse**- Mediwitch is my favorite occupation for Hermione as well!!!

**Disclaimer**: Plot is mine. Title and characters are not. Awesome.

* * *

Hermione took a moment to catch her breath, throwing herself on a newly changed medical bed. 

"Er, Dr. Granger, you have a patient waiting for his test results." A timid nurse said, clutching her clipboard to her chest.

"Just tell him that he has an incurable disease, he's going to die, and that he should never, ever come back," Hermione grumbled to herself before pushing her hair from her face.

"What's that?" The nurse said, poised to deliver the message.

Hermione looked at the young woman. She had her auburn hair cut short to her chin with side-swept bangs, bringing attention to her hazel eyes. Something was wrong. Something was different."Who are you?" Hermione asked.

"I'm Lyza, ma'am. I transferred here about a week ago." She said, straightening her shoulders and putting on a dazzling smile.

"What happened to the last nurse? Jessica?"

Lyza seemed to stifle a giggle. "She's been away on a maternity leave for the past _week_, and I've come to replace her."

"Right, right. Ok then, I'll get this last patient out of here in three minutes, and then return here for a power nap. Don't you dare disturb me for at least twenty minutes unless someone is dying." Hermione ordered before walking towards her destination.

* * *

"Alright, Charlie, you've got a simple enough case of the magic flu, meaning you'll be on complete bed rest for a week while taking the most delicious medicine you could ever imagine thanks to—_Draco Malfoy_?" 

"Well, no, Carlos, it's not thanks to me, but yes, I am Draco Malfoy." Draco said, standing from his chair beside the sick child's bed and moving immediately to the other side of the room. "Nothing against you, Chris, its just being sick isn't very flattering on me."

"My name is Charlie." The boy said, causing him to cough up a lung.

Hermione glanced from the hacking boy, Charlie, to Draco. Charlie was dark-skinned boy with black-as-night hair, while Draco, who was currently grooming his nails, was a pale-skinned blond-haired man. "Draco, is this your..?"

"Son? Nephew? Charity case? No, no, Granger, none of the above. I just needed the chance to come see you and apparently they only let patients in here. I paid his mum three galleons and said I'd pay his bill if I could take him in here, on condition I didn't have to touch him. He's quite disgusting, you know. You should fix that."

Hermione glared at him, then decided it'd be best just to ignore him. "Charlie, here's your week supply of potion, watermelon flavored. I'm going to have nurse Lisa take you back to your mum."

Charlie simply nodded before hoping of the bed and heading towards the door. Hermione waved her hand and the door opened just as Lyza walked by.

"Oh, Lisa, would you take Charlie dear to his mum?" Hermione asked, handing her the potion.

Lyza looked slightly upset. "It's _Lyza_, ma'am, not Lisa. _Ly-_za. Ly-_za_."

Hermione waved her off. "Yes yes that's what I said. Thank you!" Hermione then made her way to that extremely tempting hospital bed, totally unaware of being followed. She crawled onto the bed, face first, and gave a huge sigh of relief.

"Granger, you're supposed to be saving lives here, not being lazy. How incredibly awful of you." Draco said, glancing over his shoulder to make sure there weren't any sick children around him.

"S'up Mafo." Hermione said, her word muffled by the pillow.

"Pardon me? I'm not familiar with this _slang_ you are using."

"I said shut _up,_ Malfoy!"

"Oh…well then. I was just coming here to ask how I may repay my debt to you."

Hermione sat up, completely exhausted. "Excuse me?" She asked, running a hand through her soft curls.

"Yes, you know, for saving my life. I…" he nearly choked. Hermione patted him roughly on the back so he could continue. "I oooo. I ooow. Oh for Merlin's sake! I _OWE_ you!"

Hermione looked quite puzzled. "I told you it was on the house you moron. Now leave me alone so I can take a power nap before completing my next shift!"

Draco grabbed her by the shoulders to prevent her from lying down again. "You know just as well as I do that since you were off-duty as a doctor, I am forever in your debt until I either save your life or do something of equal worth. I'm bound magically to you. _For-ev-er. For-ev-er_. There's no way around it."

Hermione's jaw dropped. How could she have not known that? Of course, she really _did_ know that, but how could she have forgotten? "Er…right."

"So, here's the plan. I'm going to take you to dinner tonight…"

"No way."

"Hush and let me finish! I'm going to take you to dinner at a very nice restaurant. There are always sketchy people standing outside. I'll leave you for a moment to check on our reservations, then you'll be mugged, and I'll save you!" Draco said, his face beaming. "Isn't it excellent?"

Hermione looked down, afraid that her face would give away to the ridiculousness of this idea. Hadn't Draco gotten _high_ marks on his OWLs and NEWTs?

But she'd show him. "Alright, sound brilliant." Hermione said. But little did Draco know that she would be ready. More than ready.

"Fantastic. I'll pick you up from here around, 8:30?"

Hermione nodded.

"Er, I guess I'll see you then!" Draco said, turning on his heel and marching out of the hospital. He then smirked to himself. "Little does Hermione know that I hired some sketchy men to take care of the job myself…ha ha HA!"

"Sir, I think you need to go back in there. They have a nice place for people like you," an elderly woman said. Draco looked down at her and had to look away almost immediately, she was so painful to look at. She was so old her skin seemed to be dripping off her face.

"What do you mean, kind old lady?"

"You're talking to yourself like a fool! Honestly, you need to go back. I'll take you if you want," She said, extending a feeble, gnarled hand. Draco immediately threw up a little bit in his mouth before almost sprinting away. "Crazy kids," the old woman said, shaking her head.

* * *

Hope you guys liked this!! I think it's a little short, but I got so many reviews so quickly, I just couldn't wait to update!! Thanks so much to everyone who's reviewing. I think my catch phrase of the last chapter was "No one saves Draco Malfoy's life without asking permission first. No one." I don't think I have a catch phrase in this one, but I guess I'll wait and see. 

_**Ps**._ That "for-ev-er" line is from that movie...with Smalls...and other children playing baseball. I just don't remember what it's called at the moment. Darn.

You know what to do, review!!

**_-VBC._**


	3. Coniving, Crazy, Concubine

_So I understand it's taken me super duper long to update_

_So I understand it's taken me super duper long to update. I mean, the seventh book has come out and everything!! I loved it and had to stay off fanfiction for a while to cope, but alas!—school is out for the summer and I have some creative juices a bubblin'._

_Disclaimer: You know what's mine and what isn't. Honestly._

* * *

"Hermione, you can't seriously be going through with this?" Ginny said, throwing herself dramatically across Hermione's king-sized bed, nearly squashing Crookshanks in the process.

"Of course I am! If he wants to repay me he's going to have to do it the honest way! I'm no fool, Ginny, and he's certainly is playing me for one! Now, where'd my wand holder go…"

"Here," Ginny said, tossing a black garter looking thing towards Hermione. "You should at spare your best black dress! Honestly, what if something goes wrong and he really does need to save you and can't save your dress?" Ginny asked as Hermione snapped her wand into place high on her inner thigh.

"If he ruins this dress, he won't need to save my life because I'll have taken his! I love this dress. Doesn't it swirl nicely?" Hermione spun around as the knee-length cocktail dress whirled around her knees.

"Are you at least bringing a jacket? After all, the dress is strapless and it's cold outside!" Ginny said, dashing to Hermione's closet to pick out a jacket.

"No, Gin, I'm not taking a jacket. I'll look too suspicious…like I've planned something."

Ginny departed the closet with a dress in hand and rolled her eyes. "You _do_ have something planned."

Hermione snorted.

Ginny laid the dress down gently on the bed before studying it crucially. "I knew this midnight blue will look fabulous on you, you know? You and Ron will look smashing together…"

Hermione lost all sense of humor from the gentle banter before. "Don't go there. I've been there with everyone and their gremlin except you. You know better than to bring him up. We're through. Forever. There's no turning back."

Ginny sighed and picked the dress back up. "It could've been nice, you know. We'd be real sisters then."

Hermione gave Ginny a tight squeeze, careful not to wrinkle the dress. "We already are, Gin. Anyhow, I've got to run. After all, Hermione Granger is never late." Hermione winked at Ginny and kissed her cheek. "You and Harry behave tonight!" She said before skipping out the door to apparate to the hospital.

* * *

Hermione arrived in front of St. Mungo's at precisely 8:30, approximately ten seconds prior to Draco arriving.

"Glad you could make it, Granger," Draco said, brushing away nonexistent wrinkles from his suit jacket. "Aren't you a bit, ehm, frigid?" He asked, taking note of her lack of jacket.

"Just a bit, but we're only going to be outside for a moment, Malfoy, so let's get a move on, shall we?" Hermione said rubbing her arms roughly to keep warm.

"Whatever." Malfoy said, roughly grabbing Hermione's wrist before apparating to the resturaunt.

"Malfoy! I swear on my career if you do anything remotely like that again, I'll—" Hermione started, flinging her fists into the air towards Malfoy's face. She then glanced around and noticed where they were. "Ehm, Malfoy? I wasn't sure that a dark ally qualified for a classy resturaunt.."

Malfoy grinned widely, almost to the point of maniacal. "It's just right around the corner," He said, walking briskly away from Hermione.

Hermione groaned and tried to follow as best she could in her strappy stilettos, but she wasn't making the same progress. "Draco, slow dow—ahh!" She said, jumping back as the entrance to the ally was filled with three brutally large men.

"Heh heh heh, pretty lady out for a walksy by herself, eh?" The one in the middle said, elbowing his mates, getting them to join in on the laughter.

Hermione couldn't help it.

She started laughing.

The laughter from the three musketeers silenced almost immediately.

"What are you laughin' at?" The one in the middle asked.

Hermione quieted down for a moment. "It's just…well, honestly, you guys can't be serious? I mean, you all look like dwarfed mountain trolls and your laughter seemed a bit over the top. I wouldn't be surprised if you were hired actors, and if you are, I'd seriously consider a new career path."

They looked dumbfounded.

The one in the middle actually looked a little hurt.

"Honestly, guys, do you know who I am?"

"O'course," The one on the right said, "yer Hermione Granger!"

Hermione clapped her hands together. "Precisely. You didn't honestly think you'd fool me, did you? Now I'm assuming you've already been paid. If not, forward your bill to my address. Now you three scoot away. Go on, shoo!" Hermione said, waving her hands at them. They all looked at each other, shrugged, and disappeared into the darkness.

"Now is when the show begins," Hermione said, smiling to herself. "AH!! OH MY GOODNESS YOU BAD, BAD MEN! UNHAND ME THIS INSTANT! OH NO, DRACO, SAVE ME!! Yikes, ah, oh no…" She stifled a chuckle. "Three, two, o—"

"You men unhand that fair maiden!" Draco shouted, wand drawn, hair and jacket blowing in a nonexistent wind.

Hermione burst out laughing, immediate tears leaking from her eyes.

Draco finally took a moment to look around, only to realize that Hermione was standing alone, hunched over in laughter.

She had outsmarted him.

And he was furious.

"Granger, what is the meaning of this?" He asked, sheathing his wand and storming towards her.

Hermione wiped the tears from her eyes before continuing. "Honestly Malfoy, did you really think that those three ridiculously huge Hagrid-clones would convince me that I was in danger? They were obviously hired. To be quite frank I'm rather disappointed in your blatant failure. I hope you never really want someone hurt because I think you'd fail miserably."

Draco stood there, his mouth agape. "You knew that I—"

"Don't insult my intelligence, Malfoy. Now where's my dinner—I didn't get dressed up to stand out in the cold," Hermione said, walking smoothly to the opening of the alley, swaying her hips in victory.

"Great. Now I'm stuck with a completely _unscathed_ Hermione Granger for at least an hour who insists on tormenting me with those girly hips swaying back and forth! How dare she, that coniving, crazy, concubine!" Draco fumed, balling up his fists in fury. He then realized fully what he said and chuckled. "A coniving, crazy, concubine...that's a good one," he said, walking towards Hermione, his mood lightened by his own love for his wit.

* * *

_It ended a bit abrubtly, I know. Oh well—my goal is to finish this story by the end of the summer—I really like where my mind wants to go with this. I'll keep writing if y'all keep reviewing !!_

_VBC_


End file.
